“Grief is the price we pay for love” Queen Elizabeth II
We all grieve, it’s a natural process, and for us as human beings, it’s something that we have no choice in when we have loved something or someone and we lose them. The love we have, that in the past we have directed towards the object of our affection suddenly has nowhere to do. So it turns into grief.
The process of grief itself is unique to ourselves and to the relationship we have with what we have lost. We naturally associate grief with the loss of a loved one, with bereavement, and whilst that is often the case, we can also acknowledge that that loss and greif can be found in many aspects of our lives, for example:
· The cancer sufferer whose view of the world and the people within it has changed as a result of a long, arduous treatment program
· The carer whose partner has been diagnosed with dementia, and who recognises the future will not be as originally planned
· The retiree, who loved the job they had. Whilst they can see the opportunities that the world can offer, there is also a huge loss to process around status, connection and identity.
How you grieve is unique to you. The range of emotions that we process in our grief can vary enormously. We look back over what we’ve lost and feel sadness, longing, love. We may also look towards the future (even if that is just focussing on tomorrow) and we may find it frightening, stressful perhaps exciting. As we grieve we will oscillate between good days and bad days, good hours and bad hours. Throughout all of this, our body and our mind and our soul are working their way through grief, that inevitable process that we all go through.
So how can we look after ourselves during this inevitable process? We need to be considering how we look after ourselves, physically and mentally.
- How we eat
- How we sleep
- How we connect with others
- How we talk about what we have lost and about the way forward,
- How we give ourselves time and space to reflect and to understand the emotions we’re going through.
Grief is very complex thing, but it’s inevitable. It was created to help us to understand and process change and loss. It is a natural conversion of the love we held into a new way of loving and living. Sometimes we are able to work our way through the loss by looking after ourselves and receiving help and support from others.
Other times a little help is required and that is where counselling can be of value, giving you the space and time to process your grief and find a new way forwards.